AVIATION Humor Page keywords = aviation humor air plane rail road Cradle museum historical Berliner Joyce EEMCO ERCO Ercoupe Aircoupe Paul Mantz Cole Palen Rhinebeck aerodrome twin boom fuselage 38 81 82 111Z 189 Gigant SE-5
Updated:  06 Feb 2008, 13:35  ET
(Created 11 May 2006)
[Ref:  This is aviatnha.html   (URL http://home.att.net/~Berliner-Ultrasonics/aviatnha.html )]

S. Berliner, III's

Aviation Humor
Page

Consultant in Ultrasonic Processing
"changing materials with high-intensity sound"
Technical and Historical Writer, Oral Historian
Popularizer of Science and Technology
Rail, Auto, Air, Ordnance, and Model Enthusiast
Light-weight Linguist, Lay Minister, and Putative Philosopher


AVIATION - continued
HUMOR

This page has now been visited times since the counter was installed.

See also the Aviation Page, et seq.

SE-5E
World War I Eberhart SE-5E
(American-built Version of the Royal Aircraft Factory's SE-5a)
Image from USAF Museum Site.

INDEX

For aviation matters in general, see the main Aviation page.

On this Aviation Humor Page:
    Good Chute!.
    Clutch-Starting a Jet!.
    Good Stretch!   new.gif (06 Feb 08)


Nota bene - I am a passenger; NOT a pilot!  Although I logged many hours in the Link trainer at NYC's late (and, by many, lamented) Museum of Science and Industry, I only had the command controls once, ca. 1980, in the right-hand seat of a Cessna 210, when our pilot seemed determined to B-25 the Empire State Building and I conned us away from that fate.


You might visit my other pages which are replete with aviation-related historical information, such as railroads, Emile Berliner and his son Henry A. Berliner*), Chrysler and SS and Jaguar, the ordnance page, and the Fairchild Aerial Survey page.



I created this page to highlight some of the funniest "war stories" I have ever heard!


GOOD CHUTE!

{moved from Aviation Page 3 on 11 May 2006}

A fellow railroad enthusiast, George P. Elwood, who runs the fantastic (and gigantic) "Fallen Flags" RR photo site, was also a C-130 jockey in SEA and tells this hysterical yarn about rigging a drag chute from an F-4 inside the bird, slung from a cargo hook.  On landing, they would open the cargo door, pop the chute, and stop as though that tiny chute made any impression on the lumbering beast.  If that visual image isn't enough for you, one time they pulled this stunt at Saigon and the Vietnamese ATC told them, "Spare 619 . . .  Spare 619, you have a good chute."  Ya gotta love it!



CLUTCH STARTING A JET!

[John Farris, an old friend, former colleague at Pall Corp., and pilot, sent this gem.]

= = = * = = =

The F-100 had an interesting ground starting option, a large chamber that received a large gas generating cartridge.  When ignited by electrical current, the expanding gas from the black powder-like pyrotechnic cartridge drove a starter turbine which brought the engine up to a self-sustaining rpm via a drive system.  This eliminated the need for heavy and bulky ground starting units, but the starter cartridge spewed out a characteristic dense cloud of choking black smoke, which was often mistaken by inexperienced ground crews for an engine fire.

The powder charge for the ground start came in a big sealed can, and on opening and extracting the cartridge, you'd find two small metal tabs on the bottom of the cartridge.  These tabs were the electrical contacts that fired the cartridge when the pilot moved the throttle outboard on start, before bringing the throttle forward.  As soon as a tiny RPM registered on the tach, you brought the throttle around the horn to feed fuel and engine ignition to the rapidly-building engine speed.

Sometimes the big metal receptacle that held the gas generator cartridge would get so dirty from repeated use that the metal tabs wouldn't make contact.  Then the cartridge would refuse to fire, and the crewchief would give the starter receptacle a good healthy whack with a chock, usually curing the powder charge of any reluctance to fire.  We'd often take a can holding a starter cartridge with us as an alternative starting means on cross-country.

The story is told, one of few that I didn't witness, of John Green going into Memphis, Millington NAS or MCAS, in an F-100 back in the very early seventies.  He was met by a couple of young Marine ground crewmen, who asked what kind of plane he was flying.  "F-100 Super Sabre" in reply only got him further puzzled looks.  One of the ground crew said, "Sir, I don't think we have tech data on this bird.  What do you need for start, a huffer or just electrical"?

"Neither one", John came back. "If I can get, oh, about six guys to give me a push to start me rolling, I'll just pop the clutch and get the engine started that way."  More and more doubtful looks! "Yessir" was the comeback.  What else would a young Marine say?

The Hun was pretty finely balanced on the two main gear struts.  When you tapped the brakes, the nose strut compressed so much that the nose took a dip, just like the hood of a car used to when being clutch-started.  So now six Marines are standing at the ready, still doubtful but not about to question an Officer on procedure.  "Just get me going at about a fast walk", John instructed.  "I'll wave you all clear when we're fast enough, pop the clutch, and be on my way.  Thanks for the good turnaround!"

Six Marines pushing, they quickly get the bird up to a brisk-stepping speed.  John waves his arms, and the Marines warily stand well clear.

The nose dips as John "pops the clutch", there is a big cloud of choking smoke as the engine whines to life, and off goes Captain Green to the takeoff end of the runway, leaving six puzzled Marines in his wake.

And I would have loved to hear the conversation when, if ever, the next F-100 taxied to the transient line at Millington for a turn!

= = = * = = =

[We called this "push-starting" when I was a kid.
For those who don't know how to push/clutch-start a standard shift auto,
ask Grandpa, Dad, your old uncle, or your older brother (oh, how sexist)
or ask Janet Guthrie (Indy '78) or Sarah Fisher (NASCAR) or Danica Patrick (Indy '05)!]


GOOD STRETCH!

To complement "good chute", above, here's another "golden oldie" (also courtesy of John F.):   new.gif (06 Feb 08)

A C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 flashed by.  The jet jockey decided to show off.

The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, "watch this!" and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb.  He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier.  The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that?

The C-130 pilot said, "That was impressive, but watch this!"

The C-130 droned along for about five minutes and then the C-130 pilot came back on and said, "What did you think of that?"

Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, "What the hell did you do?"

The C-130 pilot chuckled.  "I stood up, stretched my legs, walked to the back, went to the bathroom, then got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon bun."

:·)

['Nuf said?]


If these don't tickle your risibilities uncontrollably, nothing can!



As you are obviously air-minded (take that as you choose), you must see the Lion Air site!  I'd be Lion if I didn't warn you to keep your tongue in your cheek on this one!

On a more serious note, if you like aero engines, see Steve Vardy's Aero Engine Central.

Also, pilot Paul Freeman has an absolutely fascinating Abandoned & Little-Known Airfields site.


See also the Aviation Page, et seq.


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S. Berliner, III

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